It’s interesting to me that I can go from being a very hopeful person to a very cynical one in a short period of time. It’s situational. I like to believe the best of people and circumstances. If, however, those people and circumstances consistently disappoint me or at some point betray me, I can move easily into a negative mindset. It’s happened with work situations. It’s happened with social relationships. It’s happened with family.
Of late, my outlook has been a bit dark. I’m in a transition that is only partially of my own making. I made the best choice I could in circumstances that were handed to me. It’s not that I thought I’d never have to choose. It’s just that the timing was forced on me so very quickly. I had two months to make a life-changing decision that would permanently affect me and my family. Fair? No. Still, that’s what life hands us sometimes.
Fortunately for me, my students dragged me onto Facebook a while back. It’s the way college students and increasing numbers of folks of all ages communicate these days. As I became more familiar with the landscape, I began looking for people that I knew from college. You know, the “olden days” of vinyl records, cheap gasoline, and really good music. Incredibly, I actually found some of the people with whom I shared very special times. We made contact and began sharing news about life.
It’s these college friends that have had an effect on the dark attitude that I’ve been carrying around lately. You see, these are not the kind of friends that will ask “how are you” without waiting for an answer. They ask and then look you in the eye expecting that you’ll be straight with them. They will sometimes poke, push and prod until you give an honest answer. Then they’ll proceed to hold up a spiritual mirror until you get an accurate reflection of the person you really are. Sometimes I hate that because I don’t always like what I see. Sometimes I love that because there can be an answer to my questions in that reflection.
It’s complicated, but then so are my friends. When we all got together for the first Grand Reunification, it became evident that we were all going through transition. None of us had the same life situation, but all of us were looking at change and potential change. We still are. We laugh about it. Sometimes we cry about it. We love each other through the process.
I have no idea what the outcome will be. I can’t tell you where I’ll be a year from now. We live in a world of uncertainties. Even so, there are a few things about which I’m certain. Dee will still be our sparkplug and will keep us moving forward because we couldn’t find our way back to the light without her. Mark will still be the steadying influence, a man of few words (in comparison to the rest of us) but whose words are full of insight and truth. Micheal will be one who challenges us to dream of where we want to be. Me? I’m just lucky to be here. These folks keep my dark and cynical side from becoming all there is to me.
Linda, my best friend and companion of nearly 30 years, continues to help me find balance in my life. She’s seen me deal with the fear, frustration and depression for a long time. She stays with me and believes in me. Fortunately, she’s seen the occasional outburst of joy and optimism as well. It’s all about balance, like I said. Together, we find balance for each other.
Sometimes life just doesn’t treat you right. Sometimes it gets downright cruel. There have been times I’ve wanted to curse at it and flail away at it until it just leaves me alone. Still, after all this time I’ve got to give life a great big ‘thank you’ for these friends of mine.
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